Enough Is Enough: Why I’m Done Chasing Sparks and Starting to Choose Substance

Eight years ago, Brittney died.

And whether I realized it at the time or not, something else quietly died with her—the illusion of what love is supposed to feel like.

Since then, I’ve been involved in several relationships. Some had chemistry. Some had excitement. Some had what people love to call “sparks.”

But here’s the truth I’ve come to understand:

Sparks don’t mean a damn thing if there’s nothing underneath them.

The Lie We’ve All Been Sold

We’ve been conditioned—by Hollywood, by social media, by every unrealistic love story we’ve ever watched—to believe that relationships should start with fireworks.

Butterflies. Obsession. Instant connection.

That rush.

That high.

But nobody talks about what happens after that fades… and it always fades.

Because what’s left when the sparks burn out?

For most people, it’s nothing.

What Actually Works (Even If It’s Not Sexy)

I wrote a book about this—Your Heart Is Lying to You: Why Chemistry Fails, What Actually Works, and How to Choose a Partner Who Won’t Waste Your Time.

The core idea is simple:

Slow down. Build a friendship first. Let something real develop before you let emotions take over.

Is it perfect? No.

There are problems with it. It’s not flashy. It doesn’t give you that instant dopamine hit.

But it works.

Because real relationships aren’t built on adrenaline.
They’re built on trust, consistency, and connection over time.

The One That Could Have Worked

In the last eight years, there was one woman.

One.

Where the foundation was strong enough. The friendship was real. The connection had depth.

It could have lasted.

But she moved on.

Why?

Because I didn’t create the butterflies.

Let that sink in.

Something real… something sustainable… something that actually had a chance—

Passed over for a feeling.

A temporary one.

50-Year Relationships Don’t Look Like Movies

Take a step back and look at the couples who’ve been together 30, 40, 50 years.

Ask yourself honestly:

Do you think they’ve lived in a constant state of butterflies and fireworks?

Or do you think they built something deeper?

Something steady.

Something rooted in friendship, respect, and commitment?

Because that’s what lasts.

Not the spark.

The structure.

The Other Lie: “Timing”

Over the past eight years, I’ve done something else I’m no longer willing to do:

Wait.

Wait for someone to fix their situation.
Wait for the “right time.”
Wait for circumstances to line up.
Wait for them to choose me fully.

And I’ve realized something:

Waiting is just another form of settling.

It’s an excuse people use when they’re not all in.

And I’m done building relationships around excuses.

Enough Is Enough

I’m not angry.

I’m clear.

I’m not chasing sparks anymore.
I’m not waiting for timing.
I’m not accepting half-effort or almost-commitment.

From this point forward, it’s simple:

If the foundation isn’t solid, I’m out.

Friendship.
Trust.
Consistency.
Mutual effort.

That’s the standard.

Because I’ve lived long enough to know this:

Real love isn’t something that hits you like lightning.
It’s something that proves itself over time.

And I’m no longer interested in anything less.